And suddenly, I'm 30 years old
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. I dont need gifts, all I need is coffee!
I'm 30 now, I could demonstrate my maturity with a notsofunny list of jokes about turning 30, but... But I feel quite magnanimous today so I decided to share with you something better.
I decided to share with you my memories.
In the last episode (two years ago) I showed you my family album. Today I would like to celebrate my 30th birthday continuing this tradition, starting with adolescence.
I had a quite troubled adolescence, my parents have always been quite permissive so I got to learn how to manage myself making a lot of mistakes. I've never been to jail, but I've been quite frequently at the hospital. Thanks to a very creative circle of friends, I've done some weird things I would like to show you. The worst will not be posted here, you will find some shit more on my private diary. If you wanna accede to the private diary click here and become a member!
Anyway... let's start in 2005, I'm a 15 years old art student. Smartphones weren't so smart, the internet was still expensive, and we just discovered alcohol and cigarettes.
I had a very interesting circle of friends. From left: Simone Cucchi, totally insane and a little bit impulsive. Fabrizio Pesce, the Young Promise. Me (with the green shirt on the right) and Riccardo Cucchi, which was a complete criminal. Simone's now in Dublin, somebody told me he's a normal person but I don't believe them. Fabrizio lives in Liverpool with his amazing future wife and Riccardo is now a bus driver in Dublin.
This is a rare document of our life at that time. I'm the one with white jeans. Turn the audio on to get a full experience.
In our friend's circle, there were also adult people, most of them were special people, alcohol lovers, unusual characters. One of them was Guido the Emperor. Sometimes I think that I can easily create an immediate connection with weird people because I actually grew up with them.
Life in small villages could be very boring for a teenager, we were always finding something to do, like ride bins on steep descents. Unfortunately, the video quality was a complete disaster, I recommend to put the audio on for no reason.
We actually rode several things over the years. From advertising boards to traffic signs.
Since my family has never been rich enough to afford a holiday, I spent most of my adolescence in my village. I spent my summers with the guys of my village doing all sort of thing, like play in the putrid public swimming pool.
During the summer, my village is full of people. All the emigrants come back for the festa patronale. It means that every summer we were a big group of teenagers. I'm the one who that slap the girl with the yellow t-shirt in the face (00:17 sec)
One of the best, in terms of entertainment, was Simone Cucchi. He had a very sophisticated and fancy way to makes you laugh.
I was so thin that I could pass through the bars of a gate, and I wore that jacket for at least 7 years. I clearly remember that jacket, my sister (who is 10 years older than me) gave it to me even if it was a couple of sizes more than mine.
I started driving at 13, I actually drove to school every day. My grandfather always permitted me to drive his car. He had a Panda, a glorious thin can made of steel and blasphemies.
I also had a scooter. A very bad pimped one, with some tailpipe problems that made its scream. With that scooter, I broke my right leg, scarred the left one, chopped a piece of the right shoulder. I actually sold the engine block a few years ago for a good price.
As you can see, I've never been a role model, especially in high school. When I was 16 I ditched school for three months in a row for no reason, but I always studied enough so I've never been flunked.
I've never had a girlfriend at school, my approach to the girls wasn't very polite. I've always been the funny, dirty and stinky guy nobody wants to kiss, and I've never felt bad for it. I had some relationship, but not at school. The school was my playground.
Anyway... When I started high school I first met Nicola, the one who still vote "no" to all my pools on Instagram. Nicola was a scruffy hobbit, his face covered with wet sandpaper that people call acne.
This video still makes me laugh, after more than 10 years.
Nicola presented me the upper class in Sora, a group of creative people that brought me to a whole new level of cringe. I met Francesco, the sadic one on the left, and Alberto, the masochist on the right.
One of Alberto's speciality was (and is) nudity.
Alberto, disguised as a tree.
Elfo was already part of the crew, at that time he was developing a certain inclination to the non-verbal communication, we now call Sfuzzate.
Angelo is now a fat, bald and boring web developer or something, that lives in Lisbona, complying about life and stuff.
Sophia was the only girl who ever joined us, that's why I'm convinced she had some serious mental issues.
Giacomo is now a vet.
I think that growing up means that you realise that all the people you call adults are in fact a bunch of assholes, with a past full of cringe shit.
We spent most of our time together in a very ugly and abandoned place, just beside an unused bridge in Sora, a small town somewhere in the Frosinone province. We drank gallons of bad and cheap spirits together, doing things I can't show you here. Again, I suggest you check my private diary for that.
I was quite good at stunts and I was obsessed with cardboard boxes and garbage. I always loved to jump on things, I can't explain why.
And I loved alcohol. Man, I really loved that. I loved alcohol so much that when I was 24 I lost my gall bladder.
Growing up I haven't changed a lot. My face hasn't changed for almost ten years. Also, some habits are the same. My performances were very appreciated almost everywhere, some people still identify me as the crazy guy who did that weird thing for no reason at all.
Obviously, I changed a lot, but if you know me, if you really know me, you can see that nothing has really changed.
I wanna take this opportunity to say: I'm glad we reached 30 years old together, nobody died and most of us are still assholes.
If you wanna see more, get in my private diary!